i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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