I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Randomize
