Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
