I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
