if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
