dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
