he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
