I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Randomize
