her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
