I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
