Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
