When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
