Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
