so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
