So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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