i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
