Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize