Can Purell be used as lube?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize