He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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