Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Randomize
