good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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