That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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