yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
