If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
