I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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