smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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