My girlfriend figured out who you are.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
