why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
