Got a toothbrush?
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We need to feng shui this bitch.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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