Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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