i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
