The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
