dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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