I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
