She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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