And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
