so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
