im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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