Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
