with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
