its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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