Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
