i may or may not be watching the land before time
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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