sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
