Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
