I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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