he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
