last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize