I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
