Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
