i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
