Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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