Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize