I must be too annoying 4 u.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
