She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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