Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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