I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
