So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
