My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
