you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
