epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
