but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
