my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
