you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
