what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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