He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The power of my boobs compel you
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
