Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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