My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
