There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
