Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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