He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
