Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
