So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
did you just send me my own nude
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
