I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
