i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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