i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
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