Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
