Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
