Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
