watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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