Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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